I had come to that point in my life when you think, enough is enough. The point where you finally do that which you have said you would do for many years. The point when someone tells you something, THE THING, that makes you say, "Oh, yes, that's why I need to do this now." For me it was the words, "You're cholesterol is slightly high." Now that is nothing dramatic I suppose, but when you watch enough Dr. G. Medical Examiner at night and watch her squeeze out build up in some one's arteries over and over it becomes dramatic. This was a new doctor I was seeing, not my old one(She's another story). He was nice, he made me feel like my being obese was not my fault. I knew he was lying, but I liked him anyway. Here was the conversation I had with him, the first time I met him.
Doctor W: Do you know why you are overweight?
Me: Uhh, because I eat too much? (I am wearing an embarrassed smile as I say this.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(My eyebrows raise in doubt.)
Me: Uhh, because I lead a sedentary lifestyle and eat too much?? (I feel like a child now.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(I am almost starting not to like him now. I remember being in 4th grade and Father Kraenick was screaming in my face for twenty minutes because I could not remember two ways to form a possessive. Tears were streaming down my face as I sat there knowing no amount of his spit in my face would make me remember. Finally he let me open my book and I gave him the answer. He then let us all out for lunch 20 minutes late. )
Me: Well Doctor, it could be because of my husband. I ate really good before I met him and then he introduced me to Mormon things like casseroles, fudge filled squares, honey butter, homemade rolls and so on. My mother never made sweets. (I was feeling pretty good about this answer.)
Dr. W: How many children do you have?
Me: 4 biological children.
( He suddenly reaches towards me and squeezes the back of my arm. Then he reaches for the roll on my waist (well I think it was my waist). And if that wasn't bad enough he grabbed the left side of my hip, saddle bag, I don't even now what to call it! I sat there and let him, because he was a doctor. I felt like a kid again.)
Me: Boy doctor, I haven't been touched like that in a while! (I get sarcastic when I'm utterly humiliated and slightly truthful.)
Dr. W: Well dear, woman have a natural tendency to gain weight after having children in those three places, (I'm glad I wasn't standing up so he didn't grab my a**!). Are you diabetic?
Me: Well, I had gestational diabetes. My dad had diabetes, but overcame it with diet and exercise.
(Dr. W is nodding his head in excitement like he is mentally tallying his being right again that day.)
Dr. W: Yes, yes. You are pre-diabetic and you have an insulin problem.
Me: (I am slightly excited too now because no one has ever said anything about my insulin. He draws me a picture of how insulin breaks down sugar. If properly working insulin should turn carbs and sugar into 80 percent energy and 20 percent fat for use later. Mine however was turning it into 80 percent fat and 20 percent energy. I gave a wide eyed look at that comment. ) Let me tell you doctor, I have no energy. After each child it has gone down and down. This last one was the worst. For three months I felt lost, it was all I could do to take care of my family. Sleep was all I craved. I thought, is this postpartum depression? I was given antidepressants which didn't do what I thought they would do. Everyone felt this moment when they started working, I never felt that. I went to my OBGYN who did every test on me and nothing came up.
Dr. W: Well, I am going to give you some medicine we use for diabetics, and for insulin resistance. Also, her is an appetite suppressant.
(My heart was welling up with hope. I was smiling enthusiastically.)
Me: Okay.
Dr. W: You will do great, see you back in five weeks.
He also told me about the cholesterol being slightly high. That's when I knew it was time to fix my body. My life and mind.
I left that office with hope. And let me tell you, for the first time in years I feel alive. I feel awake. I keep thinking, is this what normal feels like? People actually get up in the morning and can function without feeling like they need to sleep five more hours? I don't really need twelve or more hours of sleep to get around?
I wake up happy now. I don't feel like I need to crawl back into bed after my kids go to school. Now I drive my kids to school and walk my dog for an hour. Now I clean my house before my kindergartner gets out of school. Now I don't "encourage" my kids to take a nap in the afternoon so I can function. It's a new world. I went back after five weeks and lost 16 pounds.
Me, I lost 16 freaking pounds. Unheard of! I was so excited and Dr. W. was so impressed. I can't wait for my next visit because I have really stepped up my walking. I make little goals when I walk. I start by saying, "I will walk to wherever." When I get to that point I try a little further and say, "There." I see the spot in my head. I am breathing hard, but I push myself because now I feel like I can climb any hill. I climb hills. I seek out hills. Me, yes me. Me who felt tired after sitting on the floor picking up a few toys and could not get up to go to the next spot without thinking, that's all I can do today.
I drive around to find hills to walk. I walked up to the temple. Yes, the temple. I have never felt so driven in years. I have never felt so awake, so alive. I have prayed a long time for help to get some help to change how I felt. I found a doctor who helped me so much. I wasn't being lazy. I wasn't being a bad mom or wife. I had no energy. I am not perfect now, but now I throw my kids around. Pick up the house more. I take my kids into the fresh air for walks. I run around with them. I enjoy them more and love going outside to play with them. I love life again. I always thought, I wish my kids knew me when I was younger. I was so fun. I loved the outdoors, hiking, fishing just being outside. I feel that person coming back and I am so excited to be happy with my kids. To live life with my kids.
THERE. I wish everyone could point to THERE and make it and be proud. Wherever your THERE is, maybe a hill, maybe something else. I always felt like something was wrong, that's why I'm grateful for Dr. W. I am starting to think, maybe insulin is a lot of people's problem and not just depression. So many things get out of whack when you have kids and even if you don't. EveryBODY needs fine tuning. Just a thought for anyone who felt like I did. Check out all the possibilities to get the help you need. Don't give up. So, THERE!
Doctor W: Do you know why you are overweight?
Me: Uhh, because I eat too much? (I am wearing an embarrassed smile as I say this.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(My eyebrows raise in doubt.)
Me: Uhh, because I lead a sedentary lifestyle and eat too much?? (I feel like a child now.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(I am almost starting not to like him now. I remember being in 4th grade and Father Kraenick was screaming in my face for twenty minutes because I could not remember two ways to form a possessive. Tears were streaming down my face as I sat there knowing no amount of his spit in my face would make me remember. Finally he let me open my book and I gave him the answer. He then let us all out for lunch 20 minutes late. )
Me: Well Doctor, it could be because of my husband. I ate really good before I met him and then he introduced me to Mormon things like casseroles, fudge filled squares, honey butter, homemade rolls and so on. My mother never made sweets. (I was feeling pretty good about this answer.)
Dr. W: How many children do you have?
Me: 4 biological children.
( He suddenly reaches towards me and squeezes the back of my arm. Then he reaches for the roll on my waist (well I think it was my waist). And if that wasn't bad enough he grabbed the left side of my hip, saddle bag, I don't even now what to call it! I sat there and let him, because he was a doctor. I felt like a kid again.)
Me: Boy doctor, I haven't been touched like that in a while! (I get sarcastic when I'm utterly humiliated and slightly truthful.)
Dr. W: Well dear, woman have a natural tendency to gain weight after having children in those three places, (I'm glad I wasn't standing up so he didn't grab my a**!). Are you diabetic?
Me: Well, I had gestational diabetes. My dad had diabetes, but overcame it with diet and exercise.
(Dr. W is nodding his head in excitement like he is mentally tallying his being right again that day.)
Dr. W: Yes, yes. You are pre-diabetic and you have an insulin problem.
Me: (I am slightly excited too now because no one has ever said anything about my insulin. He draws me a picture of how insulin breaks down sugar. If properly working insulin should turn carbs and sugar into 80 percent energy and 20 percent fat for use later. Mine however was turning it into 80 percent fat and 20 percent energy. I gave a wide eyed look at that comment. ) Let me tell you doctor, I have no energy. After each child it has gone down and down. This last one was the worst. For three months I felt lost, it was all I could do to take care of my family. Sleep was all I craved. I thought, is this postpartum depression? I was given antidepressants which didn't do what I thought they would do. Everyone felt this moment when they started working, I never felt that. I went to my OBGYN who did every test on me and nothing came up.
Dr. W: Well, I am going to give you some medicine we use for diabetics, and for insulin resistance. Also, her is an appetite suppressant.
(My heart was welling up with hope. I was smiling enthusiastically.)
Me: Okay.
Dr. W: You will do great, see you back in five weeks.
He also told me about the cholesterol being slightly high. That's when I knew it was time to fix my body. My life and mind.
I left that office with hope. And let me tell you, for the first time in years I feel alive. I feel awake. I keep thinking, is this what normal feels like? People actually get up in the morning and can function without feeling like they need to sleep five more hours? I don't really need twelve or more hours of sleep to get around?
I wake up happy now. I don't feel like I need to crawl back into bed after my kids go to school. Now I drive my kids to school and walk my dog for an hour. Now I clean my house before my kindergartner gets out of school. Now I don't "encourage" my kids to take a nap in the afternoon so I can function. It's a new world. I went back after five weeks and lost 16 pounds.
Me, I lost 16 freaking pounds. Unheard of! I was so excited and Dr. W. was so impressed. I can't wait for my next visit because I have really stepped up my walking. I make little goals when I walk. I start by saying, "I will walk to wherever." When I get to that point I try a little further and say, "There." I see the spot in my head. I am breathing hard, but I push myself because now I feel like I can climb any hill. I climb hills. I seek out hills. Me, yes me. Me who felt tired after sitting on the floor picking up a few toys and could not get up to go to the next spot without thinking, that's all I can do today.
I drive around to find hills to walk. I walked up to the temple. Yes, the temple. I have never felt so driven in years. I have never felt so awake, so alive. I have prayed a long time for help to get some help to change how I felt. I found a doctor who helped me so much. I wasn't being lazy. I wasn't being a bad mom or wife. I had no energy. I am not perfect now, but now I throw my kids around. Pick up the house more. I take my kids into the fresh air for walks. I run around with them. I enjoy them more and love going outside to play with them. I love life again. I always thought, I wish my kids knew me when I was younger. I was so fun. I loved the outdoors, hiking, fishing just being outside. I feel that person coming back and I am so excited to be happy with my kids. To live life with my kids.
THERE. I wish everyone could point to THERE and make it and be proud. Wherever your THERE is, maybe a hill, maybe something else. I always felt like something was wrong, that's why I'm grateful for Dr. W. I am starting to think, maybe insulin is a lot of people's problem and not just depression. So many things get out of whack when you have kids and even if you don't. EveryBODY needs fine tuning. Just a thought for anyone who felt like I did. Check out all the possibilities to get the help you need. Don't give up. So, THERE!
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