The Great Pumpkin Patch

I have lost 33lbs!!!!!!!!!! Never did I think I could be capable of such a thing. It still hasn't sunk in. I run into people at the grocery store who say, "I almost didn't recognize you!" Funny I think, I feel my pony tail and say, "Oh my hair is up." They say no and tell me how good I look. Never thought I'd hear anyone say that about me. It was a nice boost now that winter has hit and I have no urge whatsoever to venture outside and go for a walk. I'm really worried about the winter, I don't do exercise videos, I hate walking on a treadmill or inside somewhere. Ughh. Don't know what to do now, I'm stressed and eating my kids lunch treats which I only do when stressed. Ughh. I feel like Charlie Brown looks when someone has been mean to him. Speaking of Charlie Brown, the creator whose name I should know, but slips my mind was a really interesting guy. Shultz I think was his name. He wrote Charlie Brown until he died. There were people who wanted to keep the strip going with other writers, but he said no, it was his. I like that. My favorite Charlie Brown show was, The Great Pumpkin Patch or something like that. When I was little those specials would come on at night sometimes and it was the most magical time for me as a kid, watching cartoons at night!!!!!!!!! Good times. I shouldn't make my kids lives so miserable so they can have some good memories I suppose. Ughh.

The Alchemist

In college I had a best, great and true friend named Claudia. We had some good times, that's all I will say for now. She was from Brazil. I'll never forget being with her in San Fransisco when Brazil was playing in the World Cup and won. Thousands of people in the streets screaming and dancing. What a day that was. Ole, ole, ole we chanted. Brazilians enjoy drinking and dancing, there was a lot of that going on everywhere. The excitement was infectious, I wasn't even Brazilian, but I was happy! Claudia was a great friend. She was a spiritual person also and loved books with meaning. She gave me the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Paulo Coelho was Brazilian. This book held a lot of meaning for Claudia. It seems all of my great friends always gave me the books they loved. I love when people give me books they think I will love to read!

Anyway, she and I always were pretty spiritual. We went to church together, we went on retreats together with our church. Our religion played a big part in our lives. One of our best friends was our priest, good old Father Tom. I remember sitting on the side of a mountain at the U of U with Father Tom and a bunch of friends one night. He played guitar and that night he was playing, Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie and we were all singing. This was after dinner where they served wine with the meal in the rectory. Father Tom enjoyed the wine more than he should have I think. Well, he tore it up on the mountainside that night. I think he missed his true calling.

Anyway, back to the book. Read it, it's wonderful. It is about the journey of a young boy following his dream. It makes you think about your life and gives you hope. Read it, you will love it. I miss you Claudia wherever you are! Como va voce?

"Only one thing makes a dream impossible, the fear of failure." The Alchemist

THERE

I had come to that point in my life when you think, enough is enough. The point where you finally do that which you have said you would do for many years. The point when someone tells you something, THE THING, that makes you say, "Oh, yes, that's why I need to do this now." For me it was the words, "You're cholesterol is slightly high." Now that is nothing dramatic I suppose, but when you watch enough Dr. G. Medical Examiner at night and watch her squeeze out build up in some one's arteries over and over it becomes dramatic. This was a new doctor I was seeing, not my old one(She's another story). He was nice, he made me feel like my being obese was not my fault. I knew he was lying, but I liked him anyway. Here was the conversation I had with him, the first time I met him.

Doctor W: Do you know why you are overweight?
Me: Uhh, because I eat too much? (I am wearing an embarrassed smile as I say this.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(My eyebrows raise in doubt.)
Me: Uhh, because I lead a sedentary lifestyle and eat too much?? (I feel like a child now.)
Doctor W: Noooo.
(I am almost starting not to like him now. I remember being in 4th grade and Father Kraenick was screaming in my face for twenty minutes because I could not remember two ways to form a possessive. Tears were streaming down my face as I sat there knowing no amount of his spit in my face would make me remember. Finally he let me open my book and I gave him the answer. He then let us all out for lunch 20 minutes late. )
Me: Well Doctor, it could be because of my husband. I ate really good before I met him and then he introduced me to Mormon things like casseroles, fudge filled squares, honey butter, homemade rolls and so on. My mother never made sweets. (I was feeling pretty good about this answer.)
Dr. W: How many children do you have?
Me: 4 biological children.

( He suddenly reaches towards me and squeezes the back of my arm. Then he reaches for the roll on my waist (well I think it was my waist). And if that wasn't bad enough he grabbed the left side of my hip, saddle bag, I don't even now what to call it! I sat there and let him, because he was a doctor. I felt like a kid again.)

Me: Boy doctor, I haven't been touched like that in a while! (I get sarcastic when I'm utterly humiliated and slightly truthful.)
Dr. W: Well dear, woman have a natural tendency to gain weight after having children in those three places, (I'm glad I wasn't standing up so he didn't grab my a**!). Are you diabetic?
Me: Well, I had gestational diabetes. My dad had diabetes, but overcame it with diet and exercise.
(Dr. W is nodding his head in excitement like he is mentally tallying his being right again that day.)
Dr. W: Yes, yes. You are pre-diabetic and you have an insulin problem.
Me: (I am slightly excited too now because no one has ever said anything about my insulin. He draws me a picture of how insulin breaks down sugar. If properly working insulin should turn carbs and sugar into 80 percent energy and 20 percent fat for use later. Mine however was turning it into 80 percent fat and 20 percent energy. I gave a wide eyed look at that comment. ) Let me tell you doctor, I have no energy. After each child it has gone down and down. This last one was the worst. For three months I felt lost, it was all I could do to take care of my family. Sleep was all I craved. I thought, is this postpartum depression? I was given antidepressants which didn't do what I thought they would do. Everyone felt this moment when they started working, I never felt that. I went to my OBGYN who did every test on me and nothing came up.
Dr. W: Well, I am going to give you some medicine we use for diabetics, and for insulin resistance. Also, her is an appetite suppressant.
(My heart was welling up with hope. I was smiling enthusiastically.)
Me: Okay.
Dr. W: You will do great, see you back in five weeks.

He also told me about the cholesterol being slightly high. That's when I knew it was time to fix my body. My life and mind.

I left that office with hope. And let me tell you, for the first time in years I feel alive. I feel awake. I keep thinking, is this what normal feels like? People actually get up in the morning and can function without feeling like they need to sleep five more hours? I don't really need twelve or more hours of sleep to get around?


I wake up happy now. I don't feel like I need to crawl back into bed after my kids go to school. Now I drive my kids to school and walk my dog for an hour. Now I clean my house before my kindergartner gets out of school. Now I don't "encourage" my kids to take a nap in the afternoon so I can function. It's a new world. I went back after five weeks and lost 16 pounds.


Me, I lost 16 freaking pounds. Unheard of! I was so excited and Dr. W. was so impressed. I can't wait for my next visit because I have really stepped up my walking. I make little goals when I walk. I start by saying, "I will walk to wherever." When I get to that point I try a little further and say, "There." I see the spot in my head. I am breathing hard, but I push myself because now I feel like I can climb any hill. I climb hills. I seek out hills. Me, yes me. Me who felt tired after sitting on the floor picking up a few toys and could not get up to go to the next spot without thinking, that's all I can do today.


I drive around to find hills to walk. I walked up to the temple. Yes, the temple. I have never felt so driven in years. I have never felt so awake, so alive. I have prayed a long time for help to get some help to change how I felt. I found a doctor who helped me so much. I wasn't being lazy. I wasn't being a bad mom or wife. I had no energy. I am not perfect now, but now I throw my kids around. Pick up the house more. I take my kids into the fresh air for walks. I run around with them. I enjoy them more and love going outside to play with them. I love life again. I always thought, I wish my kids knew me when I was younger. I was so fun. I loved the outdoors, hiking, fishing just being outside. I feel that person coming back and I am so excited to be happy with my kids. To live life with my kids.

THERE. I wish everyone could point to THERE and make it and be proud. Wherever your THERE is, maybe a hill, maybe something else. I always felt like something was wrong, that's why I'm grateful for Dr. W. I am starting to think, maybe insulin is a lot of people's problem and not just depression. So many things get out of whack when you have kids and even if you don't. EveryBODY needs fine tuning. Just a thought for anyone who felt like I did. Check out all the possibilities to get the help you need. Don't give up. So, THERE!

Bach

Some who know me may laugh, but I will write this anyway. In my high school years I loved hard rock bands, Motely Crue, Slaughter, Skid Row, Warrant, Cinderella, Poisin, Guns N Roses, Kiss, etc. Can it get any worse?! I am only remembering this because last night my 16 year old niece was wearing a Motely Crue t-shirt of all things. Boy did those guys look scary. I went to every concert that came to Salt Lake City. I met all of the bands. I even met Gene Simmons and got a great picture of his tongue. My friends and I (and they were all normal like me and hated every minute of what I was putting them through) would hang out at the back of the concert hall when they would drive in on their tour us. They would come out and take pictures and sign autographs. Now I can imagine you are envisioning me with a short skirt on and an off the shoulder sleeveless shirt on with rips placed just so. No, no, no, I was normal. I was the only one who didn't get frisked when we walked into concerts. People were always shocked at my choice of music.

What I will remember most about that time is this, my wall was covered with posters of these groups. I had a picture of Sebastian Bach with his long hair flowing, rocking out on his guitar bare chested. I had posters of men with makeup! These were scary looking people, I didn't think they were scary at the time of course. I will always remember my mother not saying one word to me about it. She never told me to rip down my posters. She never worried about me going to the concerts, perhaps she thought everyone who went looked like me. She trusted me, she always trusted me. I had to drag my friends to go with me to these concerts, they did not like the music at all. But I guess they trusted me too. They were nice enough to stay friends with me even though I liked creepy looking guys.

I often wonder if my mom said nothing on purpose. I can't imagine what I would do if my daughter tried to hang a nasty looking poster on a wall in my house. I'm sure I would overreact and she would mumble something to me like, "I hate you mom!!!!" I have to thank my mother for having the courage to let me be me. I thanked her in the end by eventually taking down the posters on my own after a few years. That music scene faded for me and my love of music changed to jazz. I loved big band music, Harry Connick Jr., Nina Simone. Come to think about it, my father never said anything to me about it either. All of my friends liked my parents and my parents liked all of my friends, almost all of them. There were ones my mother warned me about. She has a sixth sense about people. Oh if I only would have believed her at the time, all of the misery I could have spared myself . I hope my daughter takes what I say to her with more than a grain of salt when she's older. I hope I can spare her some pain.

It's funny to drive down the road when "I Remember You" comes on by Skid Row. I will forget for a moment I'm a mother of six and a wife. I will start singing really loud bobbing my head as I gaze out of the car window. Then my kids bring me back to earth as they yell for me to change the station and ask why I know that song. My husband rolls his eyes at me, but he can't say much because one of the bands he liked when he was young was called, The Violent Femmes. I looked at him one day and said, "How on earth did your mother let you go to the conerts you went to when you were younger?" I knew his mother would never approve of groups like the Violent Femmes, The Cult, etc. He said, "Well, I never told her the names of the groups." Figures.

Quo Vadis

When I went to the U of U one of my best friends was Igor Splawski. Igor was a scientist at the U of U and actually helped to discover the gene that can tell if you will have heart problems. There is actually an article about him here:

focus.hms.harvard.edu/.../genetics.html

He was from Bulgaria and is now married with children living in Boston. He was extremely intelligent and loved art and good books. He loved to give me books to read and this was one of them. Quo Vadis is one of my favorite books. I would encourage everyone to read it.

1898. Sienkiewicz is regarded as the most outstanding and prolific Polish writer of the second half of the nineteenth century. The winner of the Nobel Prize in 1905, he is best known for his epic historical novel Quo Vadis, which depicts early Christianity and the persecutions. The story follows Vinicius, a soldier, who, in order to win the love of Ligia, a Christian, must come to understand the true meaning of her religion, even as Rome sinks under the excesses of Nero and Christians are thrown to the lions.

Here is a popular passage from the book:"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

Open your horizons and read this book, you will enjoy it so much! I have one caveat about this book, I don't recall if their was anything offensive in it. Perhaps it's because what is offensive to me know may not have been offensive to me back then. Or perhaps I just don't remember anything except that I loved it.